Today is not a good day.

  • I woke up to a cheery family. I am not feeling cheery.
  • Today I feel negative about everything.
  • I don’t like my house, it’s too small – I want to move.
  • I hate my blog – i’m a crap blogger no one reads my posts – I want to delete it all and walk away.
  • I hate my job. I don’t want to work. Why can’t my hubby earn enough money so I don’t have to work?
  • I don’t want to talk to anyone. Even my kids are bothering me. Why can’t they leave me alone?
  • I feel sick. I have a headache.
  • I am going to eat a bag of chocolate and drink a cup of tea all on my own in my bedroom while writing this post.
  • Eating the entire bag will make me feel even more sick. It is not healthy one bit. It won’t help me not feel the way I am feeling but I want to eat them – so I will.
  • I don’t want any contact with the outside world. I want to be on my own today. I feel crap in my mind and body.
  • I hate my clothes. They are old. I want new clothes. I want to spend money I don’t have to buy more. Why can’t I have more money? It’s not fair.
  • I want to declutter my house as everything I look at is annoying me.

 

I have come to realise that I feel like this every month. I started logging my thoughts in a paper diary a few months ago. (Yep you still can’t beat old fashion pen and paper.) It wasn’t until after I had these irrational thoughts and regretted actions I had taken, that I thought I needed to find out what was going on.

I don’t normally feel like this. The pattern, I have come to realise is linked to my menstrual cycle. A few days before my cycle I very quickly start having irrational thoughts, find fault in everything and fail to appreciate what I actually have. I blow everything out of proportion and often make decisions I regret not long after. A few months ago I hated my hair, it was really annoying me so I cut a fringe into it which I loved, for a whole 24 hours. Then I was like OMG what have I done!

Since I started logging my feelings and found the pattern, I have started noticing the changes in me. I can feel it. I am no longer oblivious to it. l still get these feelings but I have found ways to beat it.

  1. I stay away from social media and my blog – although I am writing this post, I will publish it and stay away until I feel better. I just felt the urge to write this.
  2. I will still eat the bag of chocolate – but only until I know I’ve had enough.
  3. I don’t hate my job. I have to keep telling myself this on days like today.
  4. I also know that if I didn’t need to work I would get bored at home. I know this. It’s just something else for me to moan about.
  5. I don’t want my hubby to bring in all the money because a) we would never see him and b) I like my own money.
  6. Yes my house is small but we can afford to live where we are. It’s our first brought home. I am so grateful that we were able to buy our home and both kids have their own bedrooms.
  7. I woke up feeling grumpy and no I don’t want to talk to anyone but I can’t ignore my kids. I will avoid social situations though on days like this but sometimes I just smile and get one with it. I can’t be a grumps at work!
  8. My clothes aren’t even that old and there is nothing wrong with them. I avoid online shopping and refuse to bin anything.
  9. I don’t even have clutter! A few odd ornaments and picture frames on my walls is all I have. I refuse to bin anything.
  10. When my hair annoys me I just put clips in it now and avoid the scissors!

Knowing I feel this way for a reason has really helped me understand my feelings better. I can cope better because there is a reason behind it and I know it will pass soon enough.

Do you have days like this? Do you know the reason behind your feelings?

Please leave a comment so I can read what you think.